Author Archives: grandwizardofauk

He Blinded Them With Science: Archimedes Plutonium Sets Up for a Sweep


Yesterday the Grand Wizard was happy to announce that Archimedes Plutonium had been nominated for six awards in the February AUK election. I was hoping that, with some luck, he might also get nominated for a seventh. Well, my friends, … Continue reading

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Wizardly Thoughts on the February Ballot


After January’s sweep by the Pissbum Powerhouse, the Grand Wizard was unsure how he would be able to keep up that high standard. Things became especially complicated when the Friendly Neighborhood Vote Wrangler, in collaboration with the Cabal Obsidian Order, … Continue reading

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The Scientific Community Recognizes Archimedes Plutonium


Archimedes Plutonium is nothing if not determined, my friends, nothing if not determined. Since the early 1990s he’s been fighting against those dastardly scoundrels who forge posts by putting his name in them. He has canvassed tirelessly to shut down … Continue reading

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Greegor Makes the (Failing) Grade


The Grand Wizard was concerned that Greegor “Rock Hard Stupid” Hanson might not make the cut for the February  awards.  Mind you, nobody questions Mr. Hanson’s utter idiocy. But when it comes to being cretinous, Mr. Hanson is too successful for … Continue reading

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Still More Triumphs for the Grand Wizard’s Stable


In an unexpected development, Sir Fasgnadh (Indecisive Soldier of God) has just been chosen to appear on the February 2012 AUK ballot for the coveted Coward of the Month award.  After decades in the business, this just goes to show … Continue reading

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An Early Spring is in the Air in the Grand Wizard’s Stable


After last month’s triumphant showing the crown jewel in the Grand Wizard’s turban – Emmett “Pissbum Powerhouse” Gulley – was thrown into the Galactic Killfile and declared ineligible for any further AUK awards.  A lesser manager might crack under this … Continue reading

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January made them shiver


With Emmett “The Pissbum Powerhouse” Gulley in my stable, I knew that January was going to be a month to remember… and it was, my friends, it was.  Like a rabid chihuahua on a bath salts binge, the Pissbum Powerhouse … Continue reading

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