Yesterday the Grand Wizard was happy to announce that Archimedes Plutonium had been nominated for six awards in the February AUK election. I was hoping that, with some luck, he might also get nominated for a seventh. Well, my friends, when it rains it pours. As the fallout from the Plutonium Bomb reached several neighboring newsgroups, Dr. Plutonium’s longtime fans came out in droves to offer their support.
As of this morning, Dr. Plutonium has been nominated for the Palmjob Paddle, the Tony Sidaway Drama Queen Award, the George Pickett Memorial Trophy, the George Armstrong Custer “Kicked @$$” Award, Special Ops Cody Memorial Purple Heart, Kluck Lysaght “Tar and Feathers” Award, Busted Urinal, Bolo Bullis Foam Duck, and Office of Darth Bawl. That’s nine – count them, nine – nominations. To put this in perspective, during a career spanning nearly twenty years Dr. Plutonium has only been able to garner eight awards. With the Grand Wizard’s help, he stands a chance of doubling that count in one month. And Dr. Plutonium shows no sign of slowing down in his quest to have the anti-science bullying newsgroup removed from Google and the Usenet. So it’s entirely possible that we will be seeing even more nominations before this month is out.
Right now Plutonium looks to be a shoo-in for the Pickett, Sidaway, Custer, Lysaught and Special Ops Cody awards. If Pope Snarky is able to get a second for his nomination, the
Goofy Good Doctor will be facing another member of the Grand Wizard’s stable – Sir Fasgnadh, Indecisive Soldier of God – for the Palmjob Paddle . In the Busted Urinal race he will be squaring off against GWS member Greegor “Rock Hard Stupid” Hanson and legendary net.loon Ras Michael Enoch in a true Clash of the Titanically Annoying. The Bolo Bullis Foam Duck is another hotly contested award. Not only will Dr. Plutonium have to prove himself dumber than Rock Hard Stupid Hanson, he’ll have to overcome a stiff challenge from KoTM nominee Dave Yadalee.
But perhaps his most difficult challenge will come in the contest for the Distinguished Darth Bawl award. While Dr. Plutonium’s whining is certainly noteworthy, he’s up against AUK legend Captain Greg Hall. Those who remember Captain Greg’s whimpering in alt.free.newsservers are going to have great expectations for his successor: the Grand Wizard hasn’t seen that kind of butthurt since the Pissbum Powerhouse’s first night in prison. This is certainly a month to remember, my friends. When Rusty Tavek, the Grand Wizard of AUK, promises you quality kook entertainment, you can bet your bottom turban that he will deliver.
The Grand Wizard of AUK has spoken. Thank you all for listening.